A Lost Innocence
by APIII
Summary: A series chronicling the everyday occurences most take for granted being experienced by one Suzuya Juuzou for the first time. Deprived of a childhood and having seen the sky a grand total of twice in the first few years of his life, there's a lot to go over. Hurt/Comfort, Platonic JuuzouxShinohara, HanbeexJuuzou.
1. Candy

**Candy**

Special Class Ghoul Investigator Shinohara knew that the key to a long and prosperous life was eating healthy, avoiding stressful situations as well as you can, and taking care of your mental health. Admittedly, working for the CCG probably wasn't the best job in the world to pursue for the latter two. He liked to think he, that was to say his wife, did a great job making sure he ate a well balanced breakfast, lunch and dinner that was suitable for a man of his stature who kept himself in as good shape as he did. While muscle mass and stamina wasn't everything in a fight, it certainly contributed more than a fair share.

All that went out with window when Suzuya came up, however. The young man, a boy truly, was digging into his third powdered dount in this sitting alone, wolfing it down with some sugary soda he'd asked Shinohara for. Short, lanky, and damn near emaciated, the boy was by far more lethal than most of his peers, nevermind students his age. The state of his mental health was what mostly held him back from becoming the CCG's next prodigy, another Kishou Arima. Even with that, he was still well on his way…

"Juuzou-chan, don't you think you're overdoing it a little with the sweets? I know you ate plenty of candy while we came here too. If you're so hungry, you know I'm more than willing to buy you actual food." Shinohara said with his gentlest of smiles, hoping to avoid coming off as patronizing. While Juuzou had never had anything close to a father-figure in his life, he still seemed to resent any authority with as much fervor as any youth his age with over-bearing parents.

"What? No, I'm not hungry for food, Shinohara-san." Suzuya quipped back in a sing song voice, mouth half full with powdery goodness as he did so. The boy wasn't ignorant. While he totally lacked a sense of morality and the ability to empathize with his fellow humans, Juuzou had a keen mind for investigating. It was mostly an utter lack of motivation to put any effort forward for the duller parts of the job.

"You've eaten quite a bit, Juuzou, I think that says otherwise. Surely you'd enjoy a nice sandwich, or some soup? Something light to hold you over until dinner." Shinohara offered, knowing the offer would be shot down. Juuzou surely ate real food at times, the Special Investigator knew his young partner wouldn't be able to function as well as he did without the proper sustenance. Whether or not he chooses to receive more and improve his health was up to him. Truth be told, the older man knew he should crack down harder on the bad habit. God knows his wife would kill him if he ever admitted to her that he'd personally never seen the kid eat anything remotely healthy in person.

"What?" Juuzou asked, pausing uncharacteristically mid-bite, donut hanging inches from his open mouth as he questioned his superior. He'd caught him staring again, eyes narrowing in open hostility.

Shinohara nearly jerked back on reflex, his calm and cool composure only just managing to stop him from reacting so visibly.

"I'm sorry, it's just nice seeing you enjoy something so thoroughly. There's a saying, some people eat to live, others live to eat." The fact that it could unironically be used to describe ghouls passed briefly through Shinohara's mind, but it flickered away as he was soon distracted by the beaming smile Juuzou sent his way.

"Well, what can I say? I love the stuff." Suzuya said, the tension ebbing away as quickly as it came, noticing but not saying anything when Shinohara breathed out a mute sigh of relief.

"Just try to make sure you get something else in you today, healthy or not. I don't want to see you starving yourself, not if I'm around to help it." Neither would mention how Suzuya received a well enough wage to be able to fully support himself should he choose to do so, as well as the fact that he wasn't paying for housing so long as the CCG owned him.

Shinohara had blurted out the truth, he really did feel his heart swell whenever he saw Suzuya's eyes light up in delight whenever sweets were involved. The older man understood that food was scarce in The Restaurant, and he shuddered to think what they fed their scrappers. There were few things in life that Suzuya Juuzou, as broken as he was, could still enjoy. It was one little slice of normalcy afforded to the boy, and he'd be damned if he was going to be the one to take away that small mercy from the boy.


	2. A Simple Shower

Steam curled through the air like a dragon, lazily flowing through the air and slowly filling the world with its immeasurable size. Drops of water slammed into the floor by the hundreds, a constant but chaotic rhythm like guns popping off in a firefight. Slender hands slowly lathered shampoo in snow white hair, as pale as the tiled walls surrounding them.

Juuzou had been in the shower for an hour or so now at this point, the water only have just been adjusted to what was probably a bit too close to scalding for most people's comfort recently. Cold or hot, Juuzou didn't really feel the difference, for he took an entirely different pleasure in showering than most people did. It was almost an entirely different experience for him, truthfully. He sat naked in the deep tub, having actually been bothered enough to take his clothes off like a normal person, or so Shinohara insisted. Nudity hardly bothered Juuzou, though he knew the sight of criss-crossing scars across his bodies, injuries so gruesome his body would never let him forget them on full display would make most people faint and even throw off some of his more dainty coworkers. Nevermind his disfigurement at the hands of his Momma.

He'd normally sit in the water enjoying the deafening cacophony of water bouncing off him, the walls and the bathtub's floor until his skin started to prune as a start. The new creases were always fun to trace, even if it meant he'd have to reapply any stitches that were slowly being forced to the top layer of his skin. Only after that process would he start actually bathing himself and grab a scented shampoo. Finding a brand that didn't burn his intense but ultimately delicate sense of smell had been a bother and one he'd given up on for the longest time. It wouldn't be until Hanbee would gift him a bottle that was both pleasant to smell and didn't linger so heavily that he'd stop buying unscented shampoo years later. Running his hands through his soft hair, Juuzou normally sang a song to his heart's content at this point, having grown tired of the repetitive noise of the water.

Following that, Juuzou would use unscented soap like everyone else, his favorite part of it all. The fact of the matter wasn't that Juuzou was necessarily that concerned with his hygiene, but more so the freedom in being able to choose. In the darkest part of his life, back when killing was still horrifying and blood and viscera coating his body still made his skin crawl, there were things Juuzou had wanted more than anything than a shower. A mere bucket of water to scrub himself clean, to wash away his sin. But that was a luxury at that point in his life, not a right. Only good girls got to shower for Momma, never Juuzou.

Now Juuzou could shower whenever he wanted, for however long he wanted.


	3. Doing Nothing

The smell of rain permeated through the city, seeping its way into every crack and crevice better than Kaneki ever could. The pitter patter of rain gently pounding against the roof was the only sound reverberating through the room besides Juuzou's calm breathing. His head lolled over the edge of the bed as he stared outside to take in the scenery.

It was Saturday, a day off with nothing for him to do exacerbated with just enough rain to deter him from wandering the streets in search of something to do. Not that he would have wanted to. Were he younger, the white-haired man could easily see himself hanging over the edge of some railing, letting the cool rain cascade over his body and soaking him to the bone until Mr. Shinohara would eventually swing by to check up on him and chide him.

Of course, nowadays, he could hardly make the trip as nonchalantly. He'd recovered from his coma remarkably well, even if he didn't bounce back as quickly as Juuzou had foolishly hoped he would. The man had indeed only been human, after all. In his stead though, someone else had stepped into Juuzou's life and decided to fawn over him like he was some inept child.

Even the thought of comparing Shinohara to Hanbee had Juuzou shaking his head in denial, moving for the first time in hours as he sat up to better dispel the thought from his head. Where Mr. Shinohara had been a caring mentor, a father figure, Hanbee was more of a personal assistant, or at least at first. Shinohara had taught him how to live, whereas Hanbee had made living easier.

The room exploded to life as his counter all but buzzed to life. The source was actually his phone, still plugged into the wall where he left it to charge overnight. The ringtone was some american pop song, or so Hanbee had told him when Juuzou had heard it once, asking him to set it as his ringtone in his phone. The white-haired Investigator would've joked about how the mere thought seemingly summoned his presence, but his partner would have called hours ago if that was the case.

Juuzou didn't roll over towards the phone until Hanbee predictably hung up by the fourth ring. Even having eventually proven his worth as a dependable squad mate, his dark-haired partner was still a terribly meek man. Enough so to never call for more than four rings, worried he'd coerce someone to answer out of anger. Once upon a time, Juuzou would have been content to ignore him until they'd inevitably meet on Monday at the office, but after years of working together and slowly but surely growing closer, he'd called him in the middle of the night and never waited past more than two rings one too many times for him to be so callous with Hanbee anymore.

Even if today was a bad day, where he wanted to shut himself away from the world and let his thoughts haunt him. Thoughts he honestly knew no one could ever really understand, that they'd judge for. Thoughts of the glory days with Mr. Shinohara, of the thrill of the hunt, and even fond memories of Momma… Juuzou thumbed the phone's screen and unlocked it with a simple swipe, quickly going through the short list of contacts and texting Hanbee before he could finish his no doubt rambling voice message.

_Hey, don't feel like going out to eat today. Will probably call for some delivery, should I get you something too? _He didn't particularly feel like extending the offer, but somewhere deep inside Juuzou knew that it would be best to have someone around. Well, to have Hanbee around. He was the only person in the world he could tolerate in his current state, and the only person who knew him well enough to avoid irritating him. Even Mr. Shinohara didn't tote that accolade…

Juuzou wasn't given the chance to dwell on why that realization sucked the air out of his lungs before his phone buzzed needily in his hands.

_Oh? What are you planning on getting? _

Juuzou couldn't help but roll his eyes at the passiveness of it all. Even he couldn't tell what Hanbee was implying. Was he worrying over Juuzou's diet again, maybe questioning if he was going to eat at all, or even worrying that he might not like whatever Juuzou wants and pressure him into choosing something else.

It was… impossibly sweet of him, something that the Investigator wouldn't have been able to express so clearly, much less fathom, in his youth. Similar feelings whenever Mr. Shinohara did something fatherly were always pushed into a tight knot in his stomach and ignored.

_Honestly, I have no clue. I just decided on it. _He was hardly a fan of lying, but Suzuya never felt obligated to tell people how he explicitly felt or thought either. It most often depended on his mood and almost exclusively had to happen in person if you wanted utter honesty.

Hanbee picked up on the fact almost instantly, typing out his response just a tad slower.

_Then I'll politely decline and ask if I might take you somewhere some other time more convenient for you? _

It was damn near assertive for Hanbee, and Juuzou quickly thumbed in a _Sure, _before all but dropping the phone onto the bed. The brief interaction drained him entirely of any patience he had for human interaction that day and he was thankful Hanbee seemed to know it would be even before he did.

Juuzou spent the rest of the day watching the rain, reminiscing about everything that led up to that moment in his life, ultimately coming to the conclusion that he was happy he was still alive just as the clouds parted in the early morning sky.


End file.
